This was a topic I really had to think about before I could come up with a time in which I had thought I was acting in a selfless manner, only to find that I really had my own motives tied into it. For me I realized that last year during my time in my ASB class, I would very often try to help out any of my friends in the class, running errands or whatever may be needed. This in itself was not the worst thing, except that generally I was free to do these things because I was never doing anything for myself, and wanted a reason to get out of the class. I was never causing problems or anything, and I was generally trying to help, but more because I did not want to have to do the harder tasks that were available, so I just got out of the classroom doing the menial things whenever I got the chance.
This isn't to say that I never did anything in the class, I ran the Student Store as Treasurer, but I almost took that to mean that I did not need to do anything else, as that had enough involved in it. In reality it took minimal brain power and effort to keep the store running, with an occasional requirement of effort, but on the whole, I could have very easily taken on much more in the class than I did. Yet I convinced myself that by simply helping out the others with their little tasks that I was being productive enough.
Looking back now, I would happily go back and change this situation for the entire year. I had such an easy course load, and the requirements placed on me for my position in the class really were not demanding too much of me, so I really should have been eager to step up and do more in the class. There were many other people in the class with a full class load of ap classes that also had constant requirements on them from their position in the class, but they also constantly stepped forward to help in or lead the group projects. I applaud them immensely, and am currently working towards improving myself so as to never be so lazy or entitled again.
Just another example of a time in which I was attempting to be selfless, but really being far from it would have to be again in high school. I had a free 6th period so sometimes I would just go out and try to clean up the campus or picking up trash, whatever I could do to help out, and yet I know that this was never just because. I know that part of me always wanted some sort of recognition for it, for someone to think that I was some great guy just because I was willing to do that on my own accord. I would love to say that it was just a spontaneous act because I thought it was a good thing to do, but I know that was never all of it. I always hoped that someone would notice, would say something, that I would be seen as a better person at least because of it. I am thankful now that that never happened.
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Wow, so I did not want to pick this topic to write about because I was too afraid to have to take a good hard look at myself. I love that you were willing to expose yourself in such a vulnerable way and your bog was very raw and real. I like that you said “I was generally trying to help, but more because I did not want to have to do the harder tasks that were available.” I can totally agree with that position, on one hand you are helping out, but you defiantly had some selfish motives behind your willingness to help. It was not so much that the task you were doing were easy, it was that you were not willing to take on any of the more time consuming projects. I am sure we have all been in that position where you do just the minimum to get by, of course you could do more, but you rationalize it with “at least I am doing something.” I loved the last paragraph when you said that you often times did things to get the approval, recognition, that “at’ a boy.” Society as a whole does things to get recognized, not many people do good deeds, just because they are a giving person. Often times there are selfish motives behind those acts. For example, this year Disney is giving away a free ticket to Disney Land for everyone who completes a day of service. My family was on the website the very next day signing up to volunteer, not because we were wanting to help others, simply because of what we were going to get in return. I am glad that through your experience in High School you have now recognized what your motives were. I enjoyed your bog and you helped to open my eyes to my selfish ways, I appreciate that.
ReplyDeleteI agree, I was scared of this topic too, but it just felt like I should, and so I went for it. I'm really glad that you were able to relate to it, and that hopefully we'll all be able to improve on ourselves because of it.
ReplyDeleteI would have to say that I know exactly what you are talking about. I have taken the easy way out a lot in life, and now looking back on it I wish I would not have. Doing the extra work would have been good for me and would have had a great benefit on me. I would have gotten more out of things had I took them seriously and not seen them as just something I was going through and doing in life. Instead I should have let them become a part of me I should have had some pride in what I was doing, in high school I never took math seriously and now I wish I would have done more and paid more attention to the course. I never thought that I would have as much trouble as I do now with the subject but now I would go back and spend more time practicing and studying the subject. I think that when we are young we do not fully understand the importance of certain things and take them for granted.
ReplyDeleteWell Bryce, as I read this, I laughed a lot. Not in an insulting manor, but because to me, it seems like you had what is known as, "senior-itis" (spelling?) I believe that maybe you were at the end of a four year struggle called high school and you just wanted it to be over. This may not be true and I'm just shooting marbles in the wrong direction, but that's what it sounded like. If so, I was in the same boat. I had a class period off too, and I would always know that I could be doing more than I was doing. I just went with, "well hey, I'm doing something, and nothing wrong." Haha Now things are starting to hit me of course, and I'm getting that whole, "ya gotta get back into those hard work habits." It's funny how things work, but even funnier how the lord works. I also loved how you did expose yourself (just as Amanda pointed out). I have a huge heart for people who speak the truth, and don't beat around the bush. Humility is the path to righteousness. Had fun reading your blog Bryce. PS: God saw you picking up that trash : )
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